I am no stranger to grief. My father died when I was only 8 years old. That event became the first mile marker in what I call my grief journey. I spent most of my life living from a place of fear that the overwhelming feelings, those that got buried so deep, would resurface and I would not be able to handle them. I spent many years trying to hide from the pain. I thought if I opened that door to my emotions, it would send me into a fetal position, one I would never come out of.
Yet life went on and many decisions were made from fear: fear of being alone, fear of being abandoned again. At a very young age, my focus settled on creating a family of my own and at 21, all I wanted to be was to be a wife and mother. I was married and blessed with 2 children and worked very hard to live that life full time. My then-husband and I created a lifestyle that allowed me to be home with my children, other than working in our business a couple of days a week doing the bookkeeping. My life was full and happy until within 1 year of each other, my mom and mother-in-law passed away. My life took a major turn. Sometimes, we must have everything stripped away so we can rebuild a life that is more in alignment with our Authentic Self, the part that is fully connected to our Higher Power that I call God.
At times we don’t understand how God works, but what I have learned is that the greater the loss, the more we are forced to turn to God instead of our own selves to make it through. Most of us know that we are here for a reason, that God has placed us here to connect with Him and others at some time in our lives. This was a time of major growth, and healing grief became my full-time job. This catalyst created a new focus, one where I began to train and uncover my gifts and eventually pass them on to others.
My grief was a barrier to connecting to joy. When we are in our grief, we cannot feel love, which is the energy that heals. It takes time, it takes commitment, but believe me, when we finally allow ourselves to feel the emotions that are blocking love from freely flowing through our bodies and begin to live consciously, we begin to know there is something more. We begin to live life from our truth. We accept that there is a Divine plan, one that we are a part of when we allow ourselves to be.
Now I thank God for the trials and challenges that have come my way. I am stronger because of them and know that no matter what He brings to me, I can handle it because I am not alone.